


Wishful Dreams

by letalisillusion



Category: Original Work
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-13
Updated: 2021-01-24
Packaged: 2021-03-04 06:42:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 6,754
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24699259
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/letalisillusion/pseuds/letalisillusion
Summary: Hmmmm, a collection of dabbles/one-shots of BabyCat, from Cat's side!Trying to get a better feel of how she reacts and what her personality is like.
Kudos: 3





	1. Wedding Blues

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Tired Morning](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24292345) by [InterGalacticKnight](https://archiveofourown.org/users/InterGalacticKnight/pseuds/InterGalacticKnight). 



Another day, another sunset.  
  
Cat was standing along the beach shore near her house, trying to not think too hard on the past couple of days and to immerse herself in yet another beautiful Belledera sunset.  
She kept herself busy, trying to make new bridges, make new places around the island to make it presentable enough for visitors and friends to finally come visit her.  
Day after day, she toiled over the soil, hoping that keeping her hands busy enough would keep her mind occupied as well.  
She would visit Harvey’s island to take new commemorative anniversary photos for Reese and Cyrus. Genuinely enjoying her time making up Harvey’s kitchen to fit whatever theme Reese had thought up that day, reveling in the handiwork of Cyrus’ new wedding furniture he made that day and loving taking one home to hopefully make her own little special nook.

But….for what she wondered?  
Maybe she just got caught up in the whirlwind romance of the occasion, maybe it was the beautiful flower arrangements that drew her heart in or maybe it was wanting to join the fun that she noticed all of her friends were having as they were getting their own items and places set up for Wedding Season.

She thought it was perhaps just her love of love and everything romantic that drew her in, but it was after the sixth day she realized it wasn’t quite just that. She went to Cyrus and saw that he had a beautiful cake dress and veil for sale and out of weakness, she ended up buying it.

When the dress arrived, she immediately put it on and was very excited to wear such a cute and pretty dress. She had spent many days up to that point setting up her own wedding corner up to that point in hopes people would love to come to her island and celebrate their own loves. She walked up to the wedding altar she had set up on the cliffside facing the ocean and felt a huge swelling in her heart over her handiwork. The ocean breeze gently went through the floral bushes and flowers she had set up, and the wedding arch was perfectly overlooking the ocean. It was very simple, but very straightforward and charming.

It wasn’t long after she started feeling the nagging pain her heart she kept trying to bury for days now. It made her realize things weren’t so nice as she kept wanting it to be.

Realistically, she didn’t exactly have anyone to celebrate this with.  
Her friends were preoccupied with planning their own weddings with their beloved and preparing heavily for the special moment and the one person she had affection for hadn’t spoken to her in a while.

Day after day, she always tried sending a letter to him, hoping for a response back. She found a new shirt in the stores that she thought he would like when the new season came in, a nice blue shell brought in that was particularly beautiful, even a small hey how are you sent….yet, nothing.

And she knew he went through spells, but it admittedly was wearing her a bit ragged and thin. It had been a long time since she felt like this, she was ashamed to admit.  
Even though she thought herself beyond the potential pangs of sadness and jealousy, here she was, being as childish as a child yearning for attention.

She hated it, but she had so many thoughts to this point that weren’t as pleasant as how people saw her.

She wondered if perhaps she served only such a shallow purpose of being the sponge for issues and bad things he went through, and he only came to her when he was always bad off.

That perhaps he didn’t see the deep ways she cared and was deeply enamored despite it seeming like her usual behavior.

Or maybe, she was just too childish and slow moving for a relationship for his liking.

Or….perhaps she was just no longer wanted.

She tried to shake her head as if trying to physically shake the ideas from her head, and then realized it was already starting to get dark and she had spent probably a good hour standing on the beach just shifting her feet through the sand in a wedding dress.

She was thankful not a lot of villagers came to this side and sighed, turning back around to go into her house.  
She didn’t bother much with taking off her shoes when she entered her home, and headed straight for the back room.

The room was initially a guest room for when her hypothetical guests would come over, but after he gave her a golden rose, she unconsciously kind of made it his spare room for whenever he would visit.

The rose stood on a classic table in the corner, and right near it was a spare security officers hat hanging up on the wall near the bed. It was a very small thing, but it made her heart flutter when she saw it.

It was more than likely just a small thing for him, but she couldn’t help but take the smallest things so deeply in her heart. It was only worsened by people she fell rather deeply for.

The worst part was, the same day she saw his uniform being sold in the Ables Sister store as if to remind her, yes you have it bad, and she nearly bought it to add to the room, but decided against it due to the nagging thought of logic on how pitifully weird that was.

She sighed deeply, got what she needed and turned off the bedroom light and left.

It had gotten dark enough that the fireflies were starting to appear when she was making her way across the island.

Normally it would be a sweet delight for her as she loved the peace and calm of the evening and the gentle way the fireflies lit the path along her way.

But unfortunately, it just made her feel a little bit more sad.  
She made haste to the wedding area she had put so much effort in for the past couple of days and walked up to the wedding arch.

There was a stand there for whoever would want to officiate a potential wedding and she silently put a scarecrow to the right area of it, where normally a groom would stand.

It was downright pathetic, in her loneliness she had made a scarecrow buddy to try and feel a little better. But now she was putting it down as if to try and replace the empty place she had in her life and heart currently.

Once she was certain the scarecrow was secure in the dirt, she gently sat down beside it and looked out at the wedding place she made and the fireflies quietly flying around, lighting the area around her. The wedding veil gently blowing in the wind, the warm ocean scent thick in the air and the crickets chirping softly in the night.

“.....well Scarecrow. I guess it’s just you and me….  
…..Thank you….. for staying with me. “ she mumbled almost inaudibly.

She couldn’t help but gently lean her body onto the scarecrow, feeling a deep pained sadness fill her entire being and trying hard to not let the tears slowly falling on her face be visible in case anyone would show up.

But no one would, and she would let the tears fall, hoping that perhaps her heart would be a bit lighter after all was said and done.


	2. Flighty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cat's first visit to Baby's island after some vulnerable shenanigans.

This was fine. Completely fine.

It was just a visit to see Baby and help build an object that he wanted but didn't have the recipe for yet and to drop off some excess black roses she had from her island, Belledera.

And yet, her heart was doing tiny flip flops as she recalled the events of the past several days.

It was a wild ride for sure, she didn't exactly want to recall on it, but it unfortunately involved a lot of showing the uglier facets of her possessive and clingy nature to someone she really didn't want to see it. And it hurt him. It hurt him so bad. 

But in a way, it was also for the best? It allowed for misconceptions to finally be cleared and for her to be much more honest about her emotions that she thought she already was about. 

And while yes, it was fine at this point, she was still so heavily embarrassed at it happening and for being so........vulnerable? 

It made her realize that while she was better at being more open and honest with people in general, when it came to romantic potential......well, apparently not. 

She reflected a lot on it and how in the past, her romantic involvements never exactly worked out because of how different she was.

She used to carry herself much differently, was never really treated like a romantic interest or had to do the heavy pursuing if she wanted that type of thing.

The possessive, creepy nature also was a lot worse. So she did even more to try and hide it away, perhaps even coming off even weirder thinking about it more deeply. 

So unfortunately, she came to the realization she was clueless in terms of how to handle someone very straightforward, and ok, apparently sees her as a lady and is wooing HER now. 

She sighed deeply as she quietly just buried her face into her hands and hoped she could calm down her racing heart before the seaplane landed on Cybertron. 

* * *

Well she didn't exactly anticipated it happening this way. But in a way that was also a good thing?

Currently she was running through Cybertron, laughing as she was actively trying to outrun and dodge a certain confused security officer. 

She had managed to calm her heart down enough by the time the plane landed and focused on the task at hand, but of course, when she saw him again that all changed and her heart flew out of her ribcage in .5 seconds flat. 

But of course, he didn't seem to catch on as she just kept her usual cheerful demeanor and put all the energy into noticing the new details of the island and just generally rushing around to go greet everyone and not make eye contact. 

That, coupled along with her general awkwardness about being followed made her nervousness spike up even more. So imagine, when a certain security officer just kept trailing her closely, it didn't exactly make things better for her poor heart.

And so, here she was, currently dodging and weaving through Cybertron's villagers laughing out of half nervousness and half humor after joking to hack his laptop after visiting his home. But dang, if he couldn't keep up chase and it wasn't doing any favors to her ever-growing heart skips and nervousness. 

Thankfully the chase allowed for her to keep direct contact out of the equation and let her joke fairly easily in hopes he wouldn't notice. (Which, thankfully he didn't.)

And after managing to finally lose him, she composed herself enough to just try and think about what to do to help calm her booming heart. 

She saw the museum in the distance and immediately rushed over, knowing that the calm atmosphere would help. 

* * *

She had a few moments of peace in the idyllic atmosphere of the aquarium with nothing but the quiet fish and other various sea creatures keeping her company until her phone rang off in the middle of seeing the sharks. 

It was, of course, Baby asking where she was in general confusion and foolishly thinking she was safe, she told him she was at the museum jokingly saying she was taking herself on a date.

Not even possibly a second after she got the message:

"I'm dressed up for a date and on my way." 

"Don't date criminals!! : P"

"Too late, already dressed up."

AND SHE PANICKED. 

She didn't exactly expect him to be so forthcoming and even though she didn't say exactly where she was, she panicked and ran through the exhibition halls of the museum trying to hide.

She weaved right into the bug exhibition and not even a second later received a text.

"I'm in the bug exhibit, where are you?"

The universe was so cruel, she turned around as fast as she could but noticed a certain red blur behind her, looking rather handsome out of uniform for once and BOOKED IT.

She ignored the confused pleas and immediately threw herself into the plane back to Belledera, screaming internally all the way.


	3. Flirty...?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Flirting gone wrong.

She admittedly found it like a fun game. 

A game of feint and dodge and seeing how far a person would go to try and convey emotions. 

It was a little mean-spirited maybe, but it was always so very amusing and fun seeing how people reacted to things. 

And her current person of interest happened to be a very sweet but rather shy Officer Baby.

She knew he was a bit reserved and closed off with her and she was more than understanding about it. But when it got to a point where it was a little suffocating, she decided to push the game a little bit.

She knew he was trying in his own way to flirt with her, but she wanted him to try and be more direct and she set her plan in motion with a sly smile and mischievous chuckle.

* * *

"Um....hey angel, so I saw this very pretty flower while out on patrol and thought you may like it."

"Oh? Oh! That's so wonderful!! Thank you Baby, I'm going to give it to Portia if that's ok! I know she loves this flower a lot and I think it'll look really nice in her house!"

She smiled gently as always and with a little more affection towards the flower as she mentioned the idea. 

She noted how his eyes quickly flashed a light pained expression and his mouth twitched in a small frown before going back to his neutral face.

"...yeah. that'd be fine. As long as it gets to be treasured, right?"

* * *

She came out of the Able Sisters with a lovely new dress she saw and just happened to run into Baby as he was passing by on a patrol.

He quickly snapped out of a trance he seemed to have been in, took a quick glance at her and turned back to look at the path ahead while clearing his throat.

"So.....you got that dress in the store I told you about.....it. It looks great on you." he said a little bit quieter than usual.

"Oh? You did??? Wow gosh, I thought Dobie told me actually! He's been so sweet lately thinking of me! I'm actually on my way to show the dress off to him!" she gleefully said while twirling around in the dress. 

She made note he took a little longer before resetting back to his neutral expression this time.

"...right. well. I better get back to my patrol" he tipped the brim of his hat down a little lower before continuing on his patrol.

* * *

The last and final straw was when he sent her a letter.

"Hope you are doing ok. It's storming pretty badly here. Wish I could spend more time with you on days like this.....just stay safe ok? "

"Baby, you're so funny. I'm not in danger or anything and it's been so sunny here on Belledera it's sad. And you can always come visit anytime yknow that!"

Maybe it was admittedly a bit far, but she was too immersed into her fun to really care at the time.

Until she got cornered by a rather surly looking officer the next day that is.

* * *

It was around the back of the resident hall that he cornered her in, trying not to bring unwanted attention to them as he sourly looked at everything around them but her, but very obviously hurt.

He didn't say much for a couple of minutes as if trying to to think very carefully about what he said.

It was enough to make her realize what was about to happen, but she knew if she didn't act he would be indirect and too considerate as always, so she decided to give a slight....push.

"....Baby? Is everything ok?"

His eyes flashed a brief sight of surprise as if taken aback by the sudden presence of another voice but then went back to neutral as he took a light inhale and stiffened his body as if to brace himself for an attack.

".......do......do you not like me anymore....?" he said a little too quietly.

"What do you mean, Baby?" 

"It's....it's just. Lately, you seem to not care about what I give you or say......and just........don't seem to care in general about me saying anything or something. I don't know."

He leaned a little bit further, placing his arm above her head on the back wall of the resident hall and using it to support himself as he leaned in closer, hesitant to get too close but at the same time yearning to.

"......was it all just in my head? .....do you not ......share the same feelings anymore?" he said a little too quietly and fragile as if he was about to break at any moment.

Her face softened as a blush crept on her face slowly and she smiled a very small sincere smile at the man in front of her. At the moment, he was looking toward at the ground but she gently lifted his face to have him look her in the eyes to see her heartfelt sincerity. 

Once she made sure he saw her face, she leaned in closely to his face and said into his ear.

"Of course I do. ...I just like it more when you are open and direct with your emotions and words."

It took him a minute to register what had been said and when he did, he quickly stepped back as if being pressed with a hot iron, with shock on his face.

She held her usual bright smile and eyes on her face, holding no signs of malice or teasing, and just lightly smiled a little wider.

"W-what did you-"

"I don't know what you're talking about Officer Baby." she sang happily before walking off as fast as she could so he wouldn't see the deepening blush on her face.


	4. Red

She slowly went through all of the shirts on the hangers in the closet, taking her time to inspect each one carefully and thoughtfully before gently moving the hanger to the other side.

_Hmm, which day today?_ she mused to herself before she came across a dark blue button up that instantly caused her heart to jump. 

_Perfect. Absolutely perfect._

She gently took the shirt off the hanger, carefully placed the hanger back in the closet and immediately threw on the shirt, not bothering to button it up and making her way to the double bed covered in dark blue sheets.

_How....comfortable._ she sighed contently as she gently sat on the perfectly made bed, getting comfortable, slowly leaning back into the pillows perfectly made, taking in their softness.

For someone so frigid and matter of fact, she expected nothing less from a certain Officer who caught her heart so viciously but didn't seem to care much to pay attention to her. 

She had broken into his house........again. 

Yes it wasn't the first time, but it was the only way she could keep getting shirts that were permeated with his scent and also take in his essence that he wouldn't willingly give her.

It would've been much easier had he just got ensnared into her love as she had planned, but he didn't seem to yield as easily as she would have liked and she was........impatient.

Every denial. Every scornful sneer. ...it made her heart burn even more for him and want so badly for him to relent. 

She yearned for his touch, the way he looked at her to change from muted to desire, she noticed him when he did his rounds, how he carried himself. So closed off, very commanding, so.......tempting to _BREAK._

Her heart raced at the thought as she gently lifted the collar of the shirt to her face, closed her eyes and took in the deep scent of his essence lingering on the shirt. The same shirt she recognized he wore with his security uniform that she saw so many times looking for him all over the island to run into "coincidentally." Thinking fondly of the man who scorned her so viciously on a daily basis despite her attempts.

Earlier, she noticed him and went to him, fiddling with the attachments of his vest when he roughly grabbed her wrist to get her hand off of him.

The usual banter happened, but all she could notice was how tightly he held her wrist, trying to palm and find her pulse, but all she could think of was how _finally,_ he had contact with her. With her skin.

The hands a bit calloused, possibly from work, were such a wonderful feeling on her skin. But she didn't want to give him the satisfaction of knowing her heart rate was and ended up pulling a maneuver that gave her his precious pin.

But it wasn't enough.

After clearing her mind enough to remember where she was, she slowly opened her eyes and saw the bright red of her nails and the slight smear of red lipstick she left on the collar. 

_Damn._ She was really hoping to preserve the shirt and not stain it with something so useless of hers, but she wasn't willing to relent and get another shirt.

This was the one she wanted to take.

Instead of feeling bitter about the stain, she took note of the bright red color again of her nails and accompanying toes and felt a flutter in heart when she remembered why she chose such a garishly bright color.

It was _his._

When she found out it was actually his favorite color, she immediately did what she could to create a bond to him in a subtle way but would make her feel closer to him despite everything.

She couldn't get him to turn his head towards her of give her the time of day but she felt a closer bond in her heart knowing she was wearing something of _his._

She then recalled her original intent of being here. She pulled out her phone and tried to figure out a good angle and snapped a picture and pressed sent on her phone.

"Good night to just finally cozy up in bed and relax~. ♥" she texted playfully and deftly locked the phone and picked up a note card from his desk. 

Gently and precisely, she left a bright red lip mark in the center of the card. She took a moment lingering, looking at the lipstick mark, thinking how much she'd rather be able to kiss the real person, but alas, these games had to continue until _he_ relented. 

She quickly placed the card in the center of the bed and changed into the clothes she came in with, tucking the shirt in a bag she found in the house to preserve it and shut the light off in the bedroom again.

One quick final glance and she turned around and quickly left before she knew he would return. 

A small smile playing on her lips, as she put her fingers to them, fondly thinking on a certain cold officer and perhaps how his lips would've felt. 


	5. Vulnerable

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> IDK. Good luck.

Loud.

It was very loud. 

The sound of her accelerated heart beat in her own ears.

It was what she exactly wanted, so why....why was it making her so nervous?

He was here, in her home, practically putty in her hands. She had backed him into the wall as soon as he came in and gently took to slowly moving towards him, gently kissing his neck.

He was.....incredibly vulnerable. Eyes lidded, face flushed as she slowly moved to opening his collar and kissing up and down his collarbone and neck, gauging his reactions before carefully placing another kiss in another vulnerable spot around his collar. 

Just. finally...... ** _FINALLY_** her own mind practically SCREAMED at her, trying to fight the loud sound of her quickening heart rate. 

But she stopped, she stopped, despite every bit of her soul and mind telling her to destroy him. To make it so emotionally and mentally impossible to never leave her, to make him crave for more and just be .....powerless. 

But she hesitated,......WHY??

He didn't seem to register the pause she had as he seemed to be preoccupied at steadying his breathing and not looking at her, practically unsure of how to register what was going on and almost in disbelief at what was happening. 

It caused her entire mind and soul to go wild. 

It would be so easy. S o o o o .....simple. But it....it wasn't as simple as that. 

She realized it, she didn't want just that. She wanted him to want her, crave her, be an equal in footing and desire and to be of his own volition. Not some mindless slave. 

She.....she loved him. His desires, his passions, his cold edge, his banter, his scars, his steely gaze has he looked at her, the way he carefully tried to hide his emotions around her, his soft vulnerable heart.

She didn't....want to lose that part of him. She didn't want to break him. She wanted all of it. His fears, his insecurities, his desires. She wanted all of it and she wanted him to only show them to her. 

And she wanted to know she wasn't alone, in feeling this intensity.

She had carefully placed her hand to the side of him, to steady herself as she was unbalanced from everything happening. She composed herself the best she could and she slowly lifted his face with

her hand, gently caressing the side as she did and had him look her in the eyes. 

And for once, she didn't have anything to say. She just felt incredibly vulnerable and felt a flush coming up to her face as she couldn't literally say anything. She wasn't prepared and she felt her heart was being shown in her eyes as she noted his clouded eyes shift to clear at the realization of what was going on. 

And when the piercing eyes met hers, she instinctively shifted her gaze, suddenly very aware of the man standing before her and what she left herself open to, face hiding absolutely nothing and she had lost all grit she had before.

"....Cat-?" she heard him say hesitantly in the soft voice she adored, and she just buried her face into his chest while wrapping her arms around him slowly. 

She didn't lift her face in fears of the vulnerability and embarrassment it was showing that was very unlike her usual demeanor and tried to focus instead on the rapid heart rate she heard coming from the chest and the fact his back was a bit more broader than she recalled as firmly grasped it.

The scent of his cologne was intoxicating and she just let it take over her mind, clouding the anxieties she was having a few seconds prior. 

She felt her body slacking and unknowingly let out a deep sigh, suddenly no longer aware of what was happening.

He, in contrast, was very suddenly acutely aware of what was happening and was unsure if it was real. However, once he felt her body slack, something snapped and he firmly wrapped his arms around her mid-waist. He brought his face into the crook of her neck and took in the scent of her, keeping his face lingering longer to just breathe and take it all in. He took in what he could and let out a contented sigh that caused her to slightly shiver and it just about drove both of them mad as they were very aware of how real all of this currently was.

While no words could be said at this moment and perhaps not as soon as some would like, it was a moment of mutual understanding.

That neither of them was alone. 


	6. Soft Morning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sunday Morning by Maroon 5 on repeat bruh.

It wasn't out of the normal for her to be up this early. She always was unfortunately an early morning person compared to most people.

She usually preoccupied her time doing some paperwork or checking on taskings for jobs that was assigned to her that day to start off or do some small chores she neglected around the house or didn't get to the day before. 

But this morning she didn't exactly feel like handling any of those things. She was preoccupied with the soundly asleep figure next to her in her bed. 

It wasn't unusual for him to even be over at her apartment at this point. It was one of those many times he came over after a shift, too tired to really just want to go back to his own apartment and just wanting to feel her embrace after a very long shift at work. 

But each time she would wake up, she couldn't help always look over the sleeping figure and just look fondly as if it was always fresh and new. 

It was always a much different feeling than to his usual waking self and she couldn't help but always appreciate the peaceful look on his face when he didn't have nightmares. 

She gently brushed a strand away from his face, making a small note again at how handsome he looked even in sleep, before softly and gently caressing his face and gently trailing an index down his neck.

Even in his unconscious state, he would lean into the touch slowly, wanting as much for physical soft attention as his awake self. 

She caught herself slowly smiling at the peaceful scene but figured it was way too long she put off getting her morning routine done and made note of the dimly lit sky peeking from the curtain of the apartment window and started shifting carefully out of bed. 

Before she could fully get out, she felt a hand wrap her wrist suddenly, catching her off guard. 

"I saw that."

It was very simple but just hearing the low groggy mumble was still enough to make her heart skip a small beat. 

"S-saw what?" 

She admitted it was habit at this point when asking certain things just because she always was used to keeping a strong front and she hated it but she couldn't help but feel so shy when she got nervous of being vulnerable.

She turned around to see a groggy looking Baby lazily looking up at her while still holding her wrist and rubbing the sleep from his eyes. Even half lidded, she could see a small twinkle in his eyes that hinted mischief and love so deep, it always made her catch her breath. 

He chuckled softly, used to her unusual method of response and shifted the hand of her wrist to gently caress her face while getting up to give her his usual morning kiss.

"That small smile. What's got you in such a nice mood today, Kitty?"

Suddenly she felt she noticed everything literally else than the man before her. The disheveled sheets and scattered pillows on her bed, the morning dawn breaking through the moderately sheer curtains covering the windows overlooking the city, the white brick wall of her apartment, the way his hair was messy on his head in somehow always a flattering way, the way his shirt hanged around his collarbones, the small beckoning look in his eyes.

Well. She had to answer and she knew it, but how was the answer.

"....I uhm, just liked how peaceful and content you looked in your sleep...was all, Baby." 

It was a bit painstakingly softer than she would have liked but it was at least straightforward for once.

And he noticed. 

Even if it was his name, the way she softly said his last name always struck a cord with him in his heart and even if she said it earnestly all the time when he asked, he still couldn't help his heart doing flip flops from hearing it every time. He felt a blush creep up on his face but he didn't want to stop just because he knew she would try and run away again for being too vulnerable. 

He wrapped his arms around her torso before she could get the chance to do so again and started showering her face and neck with kisses.

"Aww you're so cute. I just wish I could always spend the entire day with you."

"Y-you know that's not realistic."

"Yes, but it doesn't stop me wishing for it regardless."'

She got caught off guard again and she was trying to desperately calm her racing heart. Her mind was racing with a million thoughts and before she could even say anything, he pulled her back down into the bed into his torso.

"........stay with me a little longer, love?"

She turned to look back at him, face and eyes unable to hide any emotion, and saw a glimmer of hopeful wishing and longing in his eyes along with a hint of open vulnerability. 

"........a little longer then."


	7. Rushing Thoughts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> OOF LAD. WE ALL SORTS OF STUPID AROUND HERE.

“Cat I’m trans.”

She blinked at her phone and took a moment to register exactly what she was looking at. 

She could hardly blame his reaction. It was perfectly normal to assume when someone said they wanted a little alone time with their significant other, THAT’S what first came up to mind.

But at the same time, she had hoped it didn’t come across like she immediately wanted him for his body so soon.

…...she couldn’t exactly say she was normal either. 

Even if it wasn’t as apparent as most other sexualities or identities, she still was asexual.

From being told she could more easily “pass”, to having intentions taken way out of proportion from people of the opposite sex as her, from having to be scrutinizing as hell about anything she said or did, it sure didn’t feel like she was “normal.”

She was always treated as “innocent”, or “naive” when in reality, her brain and body never really went to that extent on first instinct. She wasn’t exactly in the dark about where people’s minds and intentions could go, she just chose personally not to indulge in it herself.

Maybe sometimes she actually wanted to dress really nice because she liked how something fit on her and for once, instead of hating her body, she wanted to embrace feminine features and love what it looked in.

Maybe she just liked being genuinely open with people because she actually liked their different perspectives and didn’t want to hold back anymore with the social norm of idle chit chat.

Maybe she also wanted to treat men the same as her close girlfriends because she often heard stories in passing how hard it was for men to find platonic friends.

…...but for some reason, men took it as an open invitation to try and get some. 

It was exhausting. She had given people chances, oftentimes ignoring the chills that went up in defense in certain situations, but it always almost ended up that way. 

….it’s why she dressed and behaved the way she did. 

She eventually picked up cues and could rapidly be on the watch for anything to the point she did it unconsciously now.

She dressed masculine as possible to remind people she wasn’t there to draw attention.

She joked constantly to give an air of mystery to her true intentions. [and well, also because mostly she had fun with giving people a hard time as well].

And for most part, it worked in the way she expected it to. 

Until a certain shop teacher came along.

She silently groaned as she sat back in her office chair. Very aware of suddenly how she was dressed and just how her wig fell over her shoulders. She looked at her reflection in a particularly reflective monitor in her room and thought about what she was doing.

Sure, she was going to say that her students bet her she couldn’t dress nice, but…...a lot of it had to do with what he was going to think. 

[though the shocked look of new students seeing her dressed differently never got old!]

She wondered if he would look at her neutrally or…..with the same eyes she had seen in many men before.

….and there was part of her that wouldn’t mind it. 

It drew her back to the realization of what was said earlier and the obvious conclusion that he reached and it made her panic a little more at the insinuation. 

Sure, she was dressing to hopefully impress a certain shop man she had been seeing and getting close to. Sure, she knew full well there was a risk of him seeing her in THAT light. 

But she never really gave much else thought after that. 

It was a bad habit, she teased and teased and teased with people, and got shocked when things suddenly turned on her because she literally just wanted and liked to see reactions. 

But it never happened with romantic intentions. So this was giving her more quiet panic as she tried to reflect on all the actions she did towards him that could have been a little too suggestive. 

…..but why? Would it have been such a bad thing??? She had serious intentions with Mr. Baby, it wasn’t like it wasn’t going to be broached at some point or another. 

And she already had accepted and perhaps wanted him to look at her in such a light outside of jokester, never serious, frumpy looking Ms. N. 

And with that, she had to account for that it could go down a sexual nature and she had to prepare for it.

On one hand, she was lucky as it didn’t exactly matter to her what her partner had in certain areas, because nothing like that exactly really turned her on. And she loved and valued the person much more than body parts. 

But she knew that with trans people it could be a touchy subject given the multiple experiences she heard and the personal people she knew. 

It was something that could hit very strongly for a person if they saw it as a mark of being a certain gender and she didn’t exactly want to invalidate that with Baby if he was sensitive about it.

Furthermore, could she really “satisfy” him herself? Would he feel disgusted by her own body and sexuality? She knew she didn’t exactly have the same experiences as others when things …..did get intimate. Which evenly more solidified her confidence in her asexuality. 

She was capable of feeling things physically, but at times she couldn’t exactly to the same extent it hit her partner’s. [at least from what it seemed like] And just, enjoyed the skin closeness and experience of openness with her partner more than anything. She had much preferred to assist and hear her partner as it was more gratifying than other things at times.

But what if he felt sensitive about “satisfying” her as well???

There were a lot of thoughts swirling in her head as she quietly freaked out looking down at the papers she was supposed to be grading and finishing before he got to school.

She took a minute to check the time and noted it was getting close to the time he usually arrived and tried to mentally snap back to reality.

“Cat I’m trans.” 

The reality was things were not going to escalate that quickly at school. [for more reasons than one now]

She wanted to just see a man’s reaction and hope he saw her as a woman instead of a clown.

And if he was as open with her about his own identity, she could be just as much with him and hopefully, it would work out understandably. 

She let out a sharp exhale, finished her last paper, and made her way to a certain classroom.


End file.
